Have you ever had awful seatmates? Introducing the newlyweds that made my fourteen-hour journey a misery. The jet was mistaken for their honeymoon suite. I thought it was time to create some turbulence of my own to provide a memorable lesson in aviation etiquette when they pushed too far.
Love is said to be in the air, but my most recent journey was a complete mess. Hi there! I’m 35-year-old Toby, and I have an incredible tale that will make you reconsider your next trip. Imagine this: After spending what seems like an eternity away from home, I’m on a plane, anxiously down the minutes until I can finally embrace my wife and child. The arrival of two conceited newlyweds made my journey a complete misery.
I had treated myself to a premium economy seat on my fourteen-hour flight. To be honest, every inch of additional legroom matters when you’re looking down the barrel of that many hours in a metal tube. The man next to me cleared his throat as I got comfortable, feeling quite pleased about my choice. He said, “Hey there,” with a smile. “I’m Dave. Listen, I hate to ask, but would you mind switching seats with my wife? We just got married, and, well… you know.” I put on my biggest grin of congratulations. “That’s great, man. Congrats! Where’s your wife sitting?”
Dave’s grin wavered slightly as he gestured to the rear of the aircraft. “That’s my Lia back there. In economy.” I’m not a monster now. I understand that newlyweds want intimacy. However, I wasn’t going to give up this seat for free since I had spent a lot of money for it. “Look, Dave,” I remarked, attempting to be kind. “I paid extra for this seat because I really need the comfort. But hey, if you want to cover the difference, about a thousand Australian dollars, I’d be happy to switch.” Dave’s expression became glum. “A thousand bucks? You’ve got to be kidding me.”
I gave a shrug. “Sorry, buddy. That’s the deal. Otherwise, I’m staying put.” A glimpse of Dave’s face appeared when I inserted my ears. Let’s just say that I would have been a goner immediately if appearances could kill. He said, “You’ll regret this,” loud enough for me to hear. I had no idea that those three statements would quickly transform my tranquil trip into a combat zone at 30,000 feet.
The coughing started first. It’s not just any clearing of the throat, either. We are discussing intense, hack-up-a-lung explosions, which made me question if I need to get a hazmat suit. Trying not to lose my temper, I said, “You okay there, Dave?” He gave me a look that made my blood boil. He wheezed, “Never better,” and then erupted again.
I was about to give him a cough drop, or even a whole pharmacy, when Dave made the bold move. Without wearing headphones, he pulled out his iPad and began playing an action movie. We got the stink look from the couple on the other side of the aisle. The man remarked, “Hey, buddy,” to Dave. “Mind turning that down?” Dave gave a charming grin. “Sorry, forgot my headphones. Guess we’ll all have to enjoy it together.”